This is a prayer that is at the end of Morning Prayer. It is rich and complex. I do not know the history of it so these are my musings.
I come from a dysfunctional family. I know this term is derided and thought to cover all. It probably does. This doesn’t mean it doesn’t have an effect on us. This environment made it hard to feel firm ground beneath me. It also made be wonder my worth and value. I also have made many poor decisions throughout my life that made me experience shame for these actions. A mix of healthy and toxic shame.
The healthy was simple remorse for wrongdoing; the unhealthy said “you/ I am defective and unclean.” I had to do a lot of work to get to the point that I saw this as lies. Which I believe that they are not the truth of who I am. I am a precious human being and so are you!
This prayer would’ve bothered me tremendously as it seems to begin with our unworthiness. But actually it starts with mercy. I think the bother is due to our society in America.
America is a meritocracy for the most part. We are awarded for efforts and we miss out if we are lazy. (There are societal issues that contribute to keeping people down, this writing is not addressing those real problems) We are set up as a meritocracy so we tend to correlate value with production. God does not play this game. The difficultly with this prayer is it immediately demands we confess our need in humility. That we cannot earn our value. God has already given it to us; this is the paradox. If you have pulled yourself up by the bootstraps you may not notice all the mercy and grace that contributed to getting you there. Then we can become proud. Unhealthy pride in our own abilities above all. Humans are extremely gifted but we can neglect seeing our frailty through those gifts. We are also extremely weak and need God to sustain life. Doctors do their part but nothing reaches immortality.
God has given us all our value in the human incarnation of his Son, Jesus Christ. Also, in the original creation story we are proclaimed to be ‘very good’ as God’s special creatures made in their image. Our unworthiness is about humility and need before the creator and sustainer of life. We cannot give ourselves life ongoing. Are you okay with being weak and human? If you question this, imagine being dropped naked without any tools in nature without a camera crew to help. We are also dependent upon each other. No one is truly alone unless it is chosen.
This prayer goes on to list all the beauty we have to be thankful for in this life.
Sadly, unworthiness and depravity and sin has been used in sinful ways to abuse and control so it is even harder to accept as simple reality.
You are precious and beloved of God. You always have been and always will be. Whether you believe or not does not change God‘s delight in you. Believers are often just as unaware of how great this love truly is for us.
So be thankful for grace and mercy. Move forward in humility and need. “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” This opposition is only to bring about reality. Use your gifts and enjoy your uniqueness.
Do not fear your neediness. You are loved.
Picture from Book of Common Prayer