I have been blessed with the gift of faith since as long as I can remember. I had the scary theologies given to me such as: being an evil fetus, sinning in ways I was unaware but still guilty, etc. But I also was taught that I had my Big Daddy Jesus who loves me and will always be there. Forget the blending of the Father and the Son; this made things somewhat understandable and I believed it and experienced God in my own childlike way. Or at least I knew God had an intimate relationship with me. This was very comforting and still looking back, I am not always sure why?
My family of origin had some significant dysfunction and volatility. My mother hid her own pain in alcohol, rage and depression; my father hid his in books, computers, aloofness and isolation. And they compounded pain to each other. My siblings are fairly older than me by 7, 10 and 12 years; they hid in partying and I would take that up as a teen myself. Home life was difficult and it left exit wounds. I would sometimes cry myself to sleep at the sound of the anger and rage. It was a cauldron of anger, sadness but also love. Love that was shown the best everyone knew how. I moved around a lot from family member to family member as a teen. My stability in life came when I fell in love and got married. Stability is a bit of a myth though, isn't it?
There was and is another stabilizing factor in my life, somehow, I knew God was with me and for me. God is and has always been with you as well. Jesus promised to 'never leave or forsake us.' Never. That doesn't mean we cannot feel abandoned, even Jesus felt abandoned when he said ' My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' This is the cry of anguish we all can and most likely will feel at some point in our lives. Many of us already have felt this anguish and for many, numerous times.
One time during counseling I was invited to go back and remember a particularly sad event in my life and to see it as an adult. It was hard and sad but in this instance I was guided to see if I were alone and I was not, neither was the sad kid (me) in the situation. My Lord was there, Jesus wept. In this meditation of imagination and memory I saw things differently.
The Problem of evil and the Problem of pain have been difficult to wrestle with for believers for ages and until fully dealt with by God, always will be. There are no easy answers. I have come to the place where I believe God *allows* way more than we'd like but can in some way, redeem what is lost. I do not know what God's protection looks like. I pray for it but what is it? We are all destined to die. That is reality. I see miracles of love everyday but very few in the way of divine intervention to save. Evil and pain are running amuck on this planet and always have. Does God protect? Is death even a consideration in the mind of God? I tend to think not. God IS life. Can I trust the God who raises the dead? Sometimes I do. I am very blessed and thankful for my life. It seems I have been given everything I have ever wanted with the exception of rescue. (I have no real way of knowing what and if I have been shielded.)
Why does God work this way? I do not know. I lean towards the love of God being genuine and not coercive. I would often have disagreements with my mom and sister (both of whom passed this year) and they were very much of the thought and belief that if we trust in God's protection from worldly calamities we will be spared. If we believe and trust and have faith it will work out. What about all the children in abuse and poverty? What about war and murder? What of the martyrs? What about addictions? What about sin and evil? What about disease? The argument goes that death is defeated. I believe this but near as I can tell, death is still the door we must all pass through. The defeat of death universal has yet to be seen. We look forward to it and there is no fear in death due to our faith. However, the world sees the church as delusional when we claim evil is fully defeated and all we have to do is proclaim it. If it were that simple, we need far more declarations and let the 'powers and principalities' (world's systems) fall! Those who don't believe would see it and come to faith; it would be beautiful.
This faith is not reciprocal, there is no quid pro quo, There is no mustering up of enough faith to change the will of God. All of these things are closer to magic. A magic wand doesn't exist to save us from the trials of life. The hard part of the Good News is that you will carry your cross either willingly or unwillingly. The Son of God faced mortality and so will we. We are spared reality
The Good News is that we are never alone. The Good News is trust that God is good. The Good News is that every one of our tears are collected and all future ones will be wiped away and healed. The Good News is that life will conquer death as God did 2000 years ago in the raising of Jesus. The Good News is that Love Wins (thanks Rob Bell). The Good News is God is with and in us always. The Good News is that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Nothing. The Good News is both now and not yet. The Good News is that God is on our side and for us!
Every single heartache you have experienced, God was with you and grieving with you.
Trust your value friends. Though you sin, that has been forever dealt with and there is no fear. You are the Father's Beloved. Jesus is your big Brother and the Holy Spirit is within bringing the whole party together.
If faith is new to you or a barely unopened gift please feel free to send me a message or email, I would love to journey with you. No interest in hell avoidance, only in the healing of hearts.
May you be aware that you are never alone.