A mentor of mine uses this phrase to describe our tears. How does that sit with you? What is your experience?
The world has given us much sadness with COVID-19, political division and upheaval, racial reckoning,
loss that has been both personal and cooperate. All of this and sadness simply isn't new to the human experience.
We say we are 'fine', I know I do. Sometimes that is a completely right call like at the grocery store or the quicker interactions at church, school, work etc. It is good to still have boundaries.
How often do you give yourself the opportunity to just be sad? And here is the harder part... to be vulnerable and sad with safe people who love you and want what is best for you? How about giving yourself the grace to cry, maybe even ugly cry?
I have been experiencing an edginess and dryness this lent. If you follow my blog you have read about the losses I experienced in 2020. Sadness is universal and so is its suppression. I see it in rage and depression and it is can be hard to recognize when it is within. The sadness becomes a general numb feeling. We are all confronted with tragedy, injustice and the effects of sin (selfishness) personally and at large. How often do you cry when you hear the stories? I am coming to believe that we become numb because we suppress the sadness.
At what cost?
Cost to our hearts, families and even society?
Imagine a life choosing distraction over self-awareness. If anything the journey in Christ has an emphasis on self-awareness within the unconditional love of God. How else can we be discipled?
The numbing is involuntary and a survival tactic. One that can become an easy go-to. It is part of the process towards the hardening of the heart. It is the divine that gives strength to choose that vulnerability that leads to healing.
Healing waters struck me recently, all I 'knew' was that I had been grumpy and melancholy. Yet once they started to flow I could be my broken wounded self and openly share the sadness that was under the surface. I am becoming convinced that the tears that stream are a holy sacrament when shared in love, when smeared into the shoulder of that trusted friend. Scripture says God collects our tears.
We are ashamed of our tears. Think of how often you cover your face with your hands when you cry. It is the impulse to hide our weakness. Tears healing power doesn't mix well with pride, arrogance and definitely shame. Our ego can fight against our tears when we believe the lie that we need to have it all together. There is a beautiful song our by Matthew West called 'Truth be Told'. Find it and listen. Being 'fine' costs us our authenticity.
The illusion of having it together creates the perfect environment for shame to grow.
Don't cut off this vital part of yourself. Sadness is essential to your humanity. Let your loved ones love you. I could physically feel the weight lifting as I pressed my face into my wife's shoulder. It makes sense that if I ignore the sadness that it will still come through in other ways. The flash of anger coming from my eyes so often is the pride that has to 'hold it together' and after the healing waters flow this is easier for me to recognize.
Life is a paradox of joy, sadness, anger, angst, contentment, weariness, weakness and strength and there is no way around reality. We don't need to fear it. If your loved ones are not safe to share those 'ugly' tears with, don't. Don't cast your pearls before swine. Your tears are priceless. I can guarantee that if you seek love and community you will find it. It can be a challenge to embrace this vulnerability. Getting drunk can lead to vulnerability's counterfeit. It is a counterfeit because it doesn't have the same recognition the next day. Although even that grieving is better than nothing, it just needs legs. Seek that safe friend and ask for help, then let it flow.
Sadness is a cross we all bear. It is better when we share it.
Let your ego die and just maybe you catch a glimpse of your true self in all its glorious weakness rising up in power and joy.
"Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning."